Darling, I literally cannot wait ‘til tonight. I mean, it’s going to be amazing. It’s been forever since I had a drink, not a drop since at least Sunday, so that’s a whole two days dry. Nearly three by the time I hit the bubbles actually. I know it’s only the office local but it’s all about making an effort isn’t it? I always find flashing a bit of leg helps the drinks flow a little more freely.
Brrring brrring, brrrrring, brrrrring.
I’ve got my heels in my bag under the desk so the only thing left to plan is my make-up strategy. Cat-like eye flicks perhaps…Hmmm maybe I’ll YouTube this. John won’t mind, he understands his PA needs to look good, researching it on company time is completely legit. If he notices I’ll treat him to an ‘Oops, I dropped my pen’ routine. That did the trick last time.
Brrrrring brrrrring, brrrring brrrring.
Oh shit sweetie, have you seen my iPad? Oh here it is, phew! I’d be lost without you my baby! I know I only really use you to play Solitaire on, but you really are my favourite thing after my Chloe handbag. And I can get Facebook on it too! Look darling, look at my friend Rochelle. She’s just stunning isn’t she? LOVE her. Peter Andre once asked for her phone number you know. Oh ignore that photo, that was pre-nose job.
Brrrrring brrrrring, brrrring brrrring.
Now there was something important I had to do, what was it darling? Ah yes, catch up on Hollyoaks.
“John, darling, do you mind awfully answering your own phone? I’m terribly busy sweetie.”
